Home Day 4 - A Good Day

So today was a good day. I started by being able to take a bath all on my own and didn't even feel nauseous afterward. That is made me feel like celebrating, especially since I have to avoid getting the staples on my tummy and head wet so this is quite the challenge. I actually was smarter about it this time, as when I got out of the bath I sat down and took it easy instead of trying to clean up. So it might have more to do with me being smarter about things then actually showing a big improvement, either way I was happy. Then this afternoon I finally tagged along on a few errands. First to No Frills where I actually walked into the store on my own steam. We only had go to be in the store for a few minutes, but I at least did it. We then drove to Trenton for Jeff to pick a few things and drove home. I know this doesn't sound like much, but for me just driving in a car is a challenge as the sound,the visual and the movement of driving is all a bit hard on the head. It quite quickly makes me dizzy, and I sure was ready for a nap when I got home. I have to also send a huge Thank you to Jason & Kristy for the very yummy Edible Arrangement. Jeff & I had a pretty yummy and healthy dessert. I will post some pictures of all the nice things people have sent. This doesn't include the cards or the meals. Thanks so much for every one's support!

Time for a kick in the pants

So this morning I really did need a kick in the butt. Last night Jeff & I had talked about me tagging along with him to Home Depot this morning. Unfortunately I didn't sleep that well last night (due to crazy dreams) and was way too tired. I then had a few moments of "poor me". It was so stupid, as I know I have so much to be grateful for, but I was just so frustrated that I had so little energy. I thought here I am with total cabin fever, yet not enough energy to even walk to the front door. Thankfully my wonderful husband got me my coat and took me for a short walk in the beautiful spring sunshine. Just getting outside and being with Jeff was enough to reset my attitude. I still am frustrated with how slow recovery is going, but I just need to remember that it's only been a week. I have gotten such encouragement from some other AN survivors that really helps put things in perspective. All things considered, I have no facial weakness, I haven't had a headache since I got home from the hospital and I don't even need to be on steroids. So I really do have a lot more to be grateful for, then to feel sorry for. It just is hard to be so weak and unable to do so many things.

So I really did spend the most of the day sleeping, which is crazy as it makes me feel like I've wasted the day. I know it's not wasted as it's obviously what my body needs, so it's a bit of a mental shift I need to make. I do have to send a big thank-you to my friend and hair stylist extraordinaire Tara, for the quick visit and for dinner. I was so nice to have dinner made again for us as well it was terrific to see you again. You are such a sweet sweet friend. For anyone in the area, if you are looking for a great stylist, you do need to give Tara a call. Not only is she very good at what she does, she also happily works around kids (which is always a big challenge in trying to get your hair taken care of, especially when Hubby's are not around).

Day 2 Home

So today didn't start so great. I had another terrific sleep, I'm actually shocked at how much better sleep I'm getting post surgery. Before the operation I had to take sleeping pills to fall asleep and to actually stay asleep. Now I can sleep anytime, anywhere and for a long time, all with no sleeping pills. I wake up feeling so rested too. The only problem is that the rested feeling doesn't last very long. This morning I got up and had a bath, which is a tricky thing when I have staples on my tummy and head that I have to avoid getting wet. Thank you yet again Jeff for your help. When I finished my bath I cleaned up our room a little and got rid of the extra pillows I no longer need (so nice). By the time I was done I was super dizzy and nauseous and didn't feel like breakfast. I tried to lay downstairs on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable so I went back to bed and proceeded to get sick before laying down again. Now just to prove that I'm not a smart person, I had another AN survivor tell me that I HAD to take it easy or I'd pay the price. Guess I needed to learn that one the hard way.

So I pretty much spent the rest of the day sleeping. Jeff had ran out this morning to do a few errands and was going to take me for a walk when he got back, but all I wanted to do was sleep. We did end up going for a walk, but not until after my nap. The other highlight of my day, besides my walk, was that I got beautiful flowers from Cargill (my work) as well as from 429 Sqr (Jeff's work). Thank you both so much as I totally LOVE flowers. I also have to say another huge "Thank you" to Di Verloop for the yummy dinner last night and to our neighbour Barbara for the stew dinner tonight. It is just so awesome for Jeff & I to not have to worry about dinner. I can assure you we wouldn't be eating as healthy.

The last 2 days at home have been so hard as I so miss our girls. It is so nice though, that when I call them I can hear that they are all very happy where they are. It's just so great to know they are all in homes where they are loved. I think they are all going to have to adjust to home, when they eventually get here as they won't be getting as much attention as they are now. To my mother-in-law and my sister, thank you so much that I know they are all happy.

I'll need to leave it there again as it's still so frustratingly slow going with the typing.

first day home

What a joy it was to sleep in my own bed again, plus being able to lay flat without a stack of pillows was a real bonus. I did wake up at 5:00 from a very sore head, but just around the site of the incision and not an actual headache, which is also a nice bonus. I simply took some more pain pills and it was back to sleep until 9:30....which is unheard of for me. Adjusting to life after brain surgery has been interesting, first I miss our girls so much as the house is way too quiet. Having said that, even though I miss them I know it's exactly what I need as noise is very hard to handle. I even can't handle the TV sound sometimes and will have to turn it off until the nausea passes. Last night was weird too when I got up to get the pain med, just realizing how funny and wobbly my walk is, is pretty funny. Just everything right now takes so much effort. But like everyone has been telling me, 1 day at a time.

So to continue with my "after surgery" story. I was so relived when I was finally put to sleep as I knew it meant my ordeal was almost over. I looked at the ceiling and everything started to spin and the next thing I knew I was in recovery with Nurses asking me where I had pain. Strangely, it was my arms (the inside of my elbows) that were excruciatingly sore. I wasn't even awake yet and had 2 nurses massaging my arms. That pain went away quickly, they also asked a lot if my pinkie and ring finger on my left had were numb, but it was my thumb and pointer finger that were totally tingly. I know at some point after that I saw Jeff who told me that they had gotten the whole tumour and were 95% sure I would have no facial weakness. What a blessing! Things are a little fuzzy, and I don't remember all the details of that night, but I do remember Jeff saying the surgeons looked pretty tired afterwards. He also said that Dr. Chen thought the tumour had kept growing since my last MRI as well that they were surprised that my brain started to bulge out from the pressure when they opened me up. I remember thinking that they really shouldn't have been surprised if they had been listening to what I was saying for the last 3 months. I had told them that my symptoms kept getting worse and the pressure on my brain was brutal. Oh well, doesn't really matter now. I'm just so amazed at the talent of both of these surgeons.

I actually never ended up in Neuro ICU as it was full, they did convert the recovery room into an ICU for me. I had 1-2 nurses hovering around me at all times. I'd make the slightest noise and wham, the nurse would be right there wondering if I needed anything, or if I was in pain. I have to say, I was surprised by how lousy I felt. I know literature and people who had gone through this all said that I would, but somehow I thought I'd be different. My husband informed me that I'm not that special and am just like everyone else :-( Guess he's right. Through the coarse of the 1st night my left eye started to bug me, so the nurse gave me eye drops. Unfortunately the more I used the drops the more my eye bugged me and by the next morning I looked like I had been punched in the eye. Turns out that I have dry eye (dr. chen said that the nerve that is responsible for my tears is really banged up), then to top it off I'm allergic to the preservative in the drops and also ended up with an eye infection. Today my eye is better, but still bugs me. I'm going to try to see an eye dr here in town and hopefully get it 100% fixed.

The day after surgery I spent in recovery as there still were no beds in the NICU nor on the floor. It was weird as staying in recovery made me happy to have a deaf ear. There were patients coming out of surgery all night long (Sunnybrook is a major trauma center) which was very noisy, so I still got a good night sleep by planting my hearing ear in the pillow, and then I slept like a baby. The morning after the surgery I had to go for a CT scan to make sure there was no bleeding in the brain. Thankfully there was not, which meant by the afternoon I could go to a bed on the ward. My move was delayed as there was a disagreement between the nurses and the resident as the doctor thought I needed to spend another night in ICU. Thankfully I did not and was moved to a private room on the oncology floor.

I'm going to have to leave it there for now as I feel in great need for a nap.

Home Sweet Home

So finally back to my blog. You'll have to bear with me as it seems I not only have to relearn how to walk, but how to type too. It's a bit frustrating that my finger aren't doing what they normally do. All part of the patients needed in recovery. It's a weird feeling when you can remember physically how it feels to do something, yet are no longer able to do it.

I'll go back to the day of my surgery. Jeff & I were both pretty calm. A nurse prepped me for surgery and Jeff could sit with me until I was ready to go to the OR room. I think we both had "watery eye" moment when the orderly told Jeff he couldn't come any further and we had to say good-bye. When I got to the OR I was a little teary, the anesthetist came out and told me I looked scared. Dr Chen and Dr. Pirouzmund both came out a well. After a few minutes I was asked to get up and walk into the OR. It was full of people and was a little amazed to think that they were all there for me. I had to get up on the table and they made sure about 3-4 times that I was in the middle. They then started putting gel pressure pads all over my body, but especially on my arms. Someone in the room had ask the anesthetist a question and his response was "We'll see how it goes", so I asked him if he was going to play it by ear? All he said was "ha ha". He then said something to me about feeling dizzy after the surgery so I said "yup, dizzy and blond, bad combo hey". At that point he said "OK, that's enough of that, lets put you to sleep". So moral of that story is, never tell bad jokes to someone who has the ability to alter your consciousness. I have to say that I felt very relieved when He put me to sleep as I knew that the ordeal was almost over for me.

But, I'm going to have to leave it there for tonight as this typing is such slow going and it's taking a lot of brain-power. Sadly I'm getting a headache from the effort, so I need to go relax. I'm sure I'm going to find other things that are going to be surprisingly difficult. It's where I'm going to have to locate some long forgotten patience.

Good night, and thanks to EVERYONE for all the support you have shown Jeff & I.

Pictures of Ingrid

She looks like she can take on the world...this was a short walk to show us how she compared with Danica when it came to swaggering.

Ingrid enjoying her two little girls Sidney and Keira.

Chatting with the nurse about possibly going home tomorrow while Ingrid's friend April gives her a foot massage - wow, that is nice! April, you are the best!

Keira was very happy to see her mom!

...but Sidney had to warm up to the idea.

The ear....and all the staples...looks pretty sore!

Post Op - Day 4 - looks like she's going home tomorrow

I am so happy to report that Ingrid will most likely be discharged and sent home tomorrow!!! She is really itching to get out of the hospital and be in her own environment.

She had a pretty good day so asked me to come for a short visit tonight. Ok, she bribed me. Jeff draws the line at foot massages so I said I would give her one if it means I get to see her for a bit. 'Besides', I told her, 'I feel like a reporter, and you don't really know the story until you are on the scene....'

She looks great and believe it or not her eye infection is the most bothersome issue at the moment. Bonnie and Charlie had brought the kids down -as Bonnie put it in an earlier post - they wanted to see THEIR MOMMY! Sydney was a little hesitant to go into the room but was happy to see her mom inside and Kiera climbed on the bed and said, 'mommy, why are you doing that with your eyes?' (one eye is half shut due to the infection and topical gel to clear it up). Ah, the mouths of babes:). Ingrid was so excited the girls came down for a visit. They were also so happy to see their mom and dad, and even happier when they realized they could eat the treats they brought because mom's appetite is still not up to par!

I have to say, I am continuously amazed by science and technology. I know there is a lot that can't be explained and there isn't a cure for a lot of things, but when you are speaking to somebody and they have just been under the knife for a day and there really doesn't seem to be a difference in them from the last time you saw them...I can't help but think how utterly amazing mankind can be. It makes me think we all really do have so much potential.

She still has numbness in her left toes and foot but Dr. Chen said that will likely pass with time. She showed us the stitches in her abdomen and behind her ear - all I can say is wow! staples really look like staples. I guess I thought they would look a little more like office staples and a little less industrial.

Lastly, a word on going back to Brighton. For those who are in the area, they probably won't need much for the first few days until her appetite returns. Her good friend Diane - who took care of the kids a few weeks back - stocked their freezer so Jeff won't go hungry for the first little while. Although Pete and I don't think the man eats. We are both half his size and can easily pack back double what he consumes. Maybe it's our cooking?

Hugs and kisses from the girls, Ingrid and Jeff to Danika, Grandma and Grandpa Jackson. Big thank you to Bonnie and Charlie for bringing the kids into town to make their parents smile.
Good job everyone, I know your prayers and messages have helped the healing process for Ingrid and her family.

Goodnight everyone.

Post Op - Day 4

Ingrid was up and about before Jeff even got there this morning and she is progressing nicely with the walker. He had to wheel her down to the ground floor for an opthamologist appointment which made her pretty dizzy (the first time they went two days ago, she had to leave because it was too intense). She's always had dry eyes throughout her life but the surgery made it worse for the time being. She had been prescribed teardrops post surgery but they contained preservatives which caused an infection in her left eye. New drops without preservatives have now been prescribed which will hopefully clear everything up shortly.

She is sleeping soundly now. More to come later.

Post Op Day 3- evening

So how did our patient fair today? She was up and about multiple times and was able to go the washroom and brush her teeth unassisted. She can't really watch TV or handle bright lights because noise in general is bugging her and the lights just require too much focus. She does notice marked improvements from morning to afternoon every day so the healing is happening, it's just really slow.

Ingrid refers to the physiotherapist as the 'drill sergeant' and when she was up in a walker today going down the hall, she asked a fellow walker patient if he wanted to have a race. She sure hasn't lost her sense of humour!

Now some of you may not believe this part, but it comes directly from the horses mouth: Ingrid is tired of talking:). She's also still not up to writing her own blog updates so followers out there will have to put up with me for a while longer, but I promise she'll be back soon.

Goodnight.

Post Op -Day 3 We've made contact!

I was sooooo happy to hear Ingrid's voice on my answering machine at work. Man, did she sound tired though. I called her back and the cell reception isn't that great in the hospital room so she had to call me back again. Needless to say, these things we all take for granted, like being able to dial a phone, was really hard on her.

She began to explain that this isn't the best she's felt in her lifetime (no kidding!) and that the headaches are worse than before, but the neurosurgeon explained it is to be expected because it was pretty major surgery. Having to look down to dial the phone made her really dizzy and she was full of sweat just from dialing. We talked for literally under and minute and she had to go because she felt so bad. My heart went out to her and all I wanted to do was take some of the discomfort away.

Bonnie, she was trying to call Kiera but I'm not sure if she was able to complete the call because of the dizziness. Please tell the girls she misses them terribly but hopes they are having fun and she can't wait to see them again. Perhaps they could draw her a picture about all the fun things they are doing with their cousins? Big hugs and kisses!

I'll post again when we see Jeff tonight.

Post Op -Day 2 end of the day

Jeff just got home from the hospital so here's the update for the day. If you read Janet's comments from the last post, you will find out that Ingrid had a pretty tough day. Her head was throbbing all day and she just didn't want to get out of bed. Nevertheless, they removed the cathedar to get her up and about; this encourages the use of her brain and readjusts her balance.

On the bright side, Dr. Chen came for rounds tonight and gave her some tips on how to relax her face. Right now, the right side of her face is so strong it is pulling at the left side which could be contributing to the pain. Amazingly, after she employed the tips, her headaches disappeared almost instantaneously and she was able to fall asleep peacefully. Jeff said it made a huge difference. He's crossing his fingers it stays that way through the night.

The results of the CAT scan were good. They look for air and blood where it shouldn't be and saw nothing out of the ordinary. It is just a long road to recovery now.

She's still not up for visitors or calls but I think I can speak for all of us when I say, 'whatever you need honey, just take your time and keep healing.' In case you were wondering, I asked if the smell of flowers would be too much for the headaches in case people wanted to send something to the hospital. Apparently there is barely any room for them there but once they get home, it would help to brighten up the place, especially since the kids won't be with them for a while during her recovery.

The doctors say she needs to be able to walk on her own confidently before she is discharged from the hospital. Today she walked down the hall but was extremely dizzy. We'll keep you posted on the progress.

Jeff loved reading the inspirational thoughts - keep 'em coming. We'll print off the latest in the morning for him to take back to the hospital.

Goodnight to all.

Post Op- Day 2

Jeff was up bright and early today because the hospital called and they are getting Ingrid out of bed to move around this morning. Her head is in a lot of pain so she is nervous and reluctant to try to get up. I was secretly hoping that because she felt so good in the recovery room, there wouldn't be so much pain going on in her head. I can only guess this has to do with the drugs wearing off and now she's feeling the affect of her poor head being operated on for so long. Let's keep up with those prayers and positive thoughts! Remember they removed the whole tumor and the doctors were really happy with the results.

Jeff reiterated this morning that she is still very exhausted and is really not up for visitors or calls. I know we all want to give her big hugs right but we'll have to wait a while longer.

She was sooooo happy to read the blog and see all of your prayers and comments from around the world. Perhaps you could send an inspirational thought to keep her spirits high. I'll start:

"We won't always know whose lives we touched and made better for our having cared, because actions can sometimes have unforeseen ramifications. What's important is that you do care and you act." -- Charlotte Lunsford

Have a nice day.

Post Op - Day 1

Sorry for the late post. It's been a long day and I only managed to see Jeff for about 10 minutes tonight. He dropped by the house to gather some clothes and personal affects that she requested and headed back to the hospital to drop off the goods. Unlike regular visitors, spouses can stay as long as they like so I'll probably be in bed by the time he gets in tonight.

Ingrid was moved from the recovery room to the D Wing this afternoon. She is doing well. The numbness in her hands is gone but she's still not up and around as of yet. Healing takes time so patience is a real virtue right now. I can only imagine she will only let so much time go by before her frusteration gets the better of her and she does laps around the hospital. Caring for 3 kids all the time, she must be getting a wee bit antsy in that bed.

Our number one patient is in a private room but is still quite exhausted and isn't quite up for visitors yet.

That's all I've got for now folks. Will probe Jeff for more tomorrow.


Goodnight.

Surgery Day - The Recovery Room

The wait continued as Jeff called the recovery room every twenty minutes to get an update on Ingrid. Apparently there were no more beds left in the intensive care unit so they decided to keep her in the recovery room over night where she is receiving the ultimate care with four on duty nurses. They usually don't allow visitors in the recovery room but Ingrid was the only patient tonight so Jeff was able to be with her for about 45 minutes. She is alert, is doing quite well, and is waiting for the drugs to get out of her system. She has a heightened sense of numbness in her left thumb and index finger and the left side of her face but the doctors say that is to be expected for a few days post surgery. She is exhausted but says she feels relief in her head from all the pressure she has been feeling for so long.

The doctors looked really tired coming out of the surgery. Charlie thought they looked to be in their late 30s, and for all those women out there, told Pete they looked just like McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy...ok, not really. They were simply professional which is all you really want and probably at the exact right age to perform this surgery on our gal, having the stamina to handle long surgeries and are cutting edge with their technology and knowledge. Wait...update from Jeff, Dr. Chen is actually in his 50s...still cutting edge though - he's done over 500 of these surgeries in his lifetime.

Over dinner, Charlie and Pete were able to solve an important medical issue and invented a product to prevent the circulation issues common in patients subject to 10 hour surgeries. Without giving it away, the premise involves a simple mat with electronic sensors positioned under pressure points such as the hip, elbow and shoulder. The sensors would print out onto a screen, circulation levels, blood pressure levels, etc, which would allow the surgeons to know when the patients need to be shifted. In fact, before the french fries and chicken were finished they were able to perform the mental gymnastics necessary to attach miniature airbags around the various pressure points that inflate and deflate according to the readings which encourage proper circulation flow and more importantly a change in circulation flow to the affected body parts. FYI CHAR-PETE Inc (patent pending) will have an appearance on Dragon's Den scheduled for late April.

Thanks again to Charlie for driving up from Niagara area to keep Jeff company today.

Jeff is now busy calling their massive family member list to give them an update. She will stay in the recovery room until there is room in the neurosurgery intensive care unit. They'll let us know how to get in touch with her, once a room is assigned. In the meantime, she'll be reading her blog. Goodnight to all.

Surgery Day - She out and doing well!

Our trooper came out of surgery just before 4 and is in the neuro-intensive care unit until about 6pm when Jeff can finally see her.

The surgical team came out to give Jeff the low-down and they were pretty happy and positive about the day. They were able to remove the whole tumor - yeh!!! Apparently it was very sticky and was pretty stuck to the brain and facial nerves. When they cut through the dura mater (the protective lining of the brain), the brain started to swell out because of all the pressure. This likely explains the crazy headaches which will hopefully now be gone. They are 95% confident she will get full facial usage back. While she was under, they hooked her up to machines and checked for facial nerves and all appeared to be working normally with no issues. Although there didn't appear to be any issues when they did the tests, when she was semi-conscious she seems to have lost about 20% of usage of one side of her face. This will likely recover in time. It could simply be a matter of bruising from all the poking and prodding. Fingers crossed.

The biggest concern they have is that because she was sedentary for so long, she has big red spots on her thighs and elbows. The lack of blood flow is a little concerning and she may lose some skin around her right elbow because of the dead skin cells. Their main objective now is to get her up and walking around as soon as possible.

She has a routine CAT scan tomorrow because they want to see how the fat taken from her abdomen is filling the void until the brain expands back into the area where the tumor was nestled into her head.

Jeff's dad and brother kept him company for part of the day and Pete and Charlie are at the hospital with him now. They are all relieved for the good news and Jeff can't wait to see his lovely lady. I think it's all still a little surreal for him right now. No doubt!

Jeff wanted to know if there were any messages from the blog so please, if you are reading this, post your messages and I will print them off for Jeff to take to the hospital to read to Ingrid. I'm sure it will make them both feel wonderful that they have so many people thinking of them now.

Surgery Day - 9 hour surgery

I think I remember Ingrid saying the surgery could be anywhere from 8 to 16 hours long.

We've just heard she should be out by 5pm which is pretty normal for this type of surgery. Just a regular work day for the surgeon!

My colleague's father-in-law is a neurosurgeon. When I told him about Ingrid he said, "if it makes you feel any better, I can confidently say the doctors are properly revved up for the long surgeries. My father-in-law regularly does routine 18 hour surgeries. The amount of chocolate consumed is unbelievable but it keeps them all going." Which got me wondering...do they know who they are operating on??? She is a top sales rep for chocolate in Canada! I see an untapped market in her future.

Jeff's parents and brother met him for lunch and Pete is meeting him in the 'fun room' right about now.

That's up to the minute. Keep on sending those prayers and positive thoughts everyone.

Surgery Day

With much anticipation, the day has finally come. Hoping to get a good night's sleep and a little quiet time together before the surgey, Ingrid and Jeff checked into a nice hotel in downtown Toronto. Much to their chagrin, the cabbies and loud noise of the big city kept them up most of the night; I can only imagine they must have been thinking 'we're not in Kansas any more', and just can't wait to be back in Brighton.

Saying goodbye to the children was a little surreal. Kiera and Sydney were happy to be going 'on holiday' with their cousins and Danika, well, she's just going to eat up all the attention she gets from Grandma and Grandpa. A special thanks to Bonnie, Charlie, Gord and Linda for taking care of their precious children for an extended period of time while Ingrid and Jeff focus on the task at hand.

They arrived at the hospital at 6am and Ingrid was prepped for surgery and wheeled in by the orderly at 7:45. Funny how nobody from the operating team greets them at this stage. I used to work in a hospital and know this is routine, but now, experiencing this from the other side, I think there would be a lot more comfort for the patient and their family if you were at least accompanied by a nurse from the operating team who could give you a 'don't worry, I'll take good care of her' before you were wheeled down the hall. Nevertheless, Jeff explained that they were both calm and oddly relaxed. "It's out of our hands, there is really nothing we can do but wait." I think Ingrid would say, "it's in God's hands", so let's all take a moment to say a small prayer for her right now....

Jeff is back at the hotel checking out and then off to my place to check-in, then back to the hospital to see if there are any updates. He's probably going to meet his brother for lunch and my husband Pete will likely keep him company this afternoon/evening. The waiting room is bare, a few magazines and nothing else. You would think they would put a tv or some computers in there for surfing the internet (like they have at Mount Sinai hospital). I can't imagine the thoughts that go on in one's mind waiting in a room with no personality. I suppose sometimes quiet solitude is what you need, but I know it's not Jeff's preference. I told Pete to arm Jeff with stuff to keep him busy so he doesn't go crazy!

On a personal note, I feel honoured to be posting on the Jackson blog. I know there are many followers, and I can only promise to do my best at giving you up to date information as I receive it. I have known Ingrid for about 15 years. She is definitely one of the strongest women I have ever known. Always looking on the bright side, I admire her unquestionable faith and her dedication to her family and friends.

I know there are thousands of hugs and kisses going out to the whole family and lots of positive thoughts today as we await some good news. We love you Ingrid!

The Day before

It's Sunday Morning and the rest of our house is sleeping, with the exception of myself and our Sidney (she's been an early riser since she was about 6 weeks old). The last few days have been really strange. The day following my last post were not great as the headaches were terrible again. I had woken up with a splitting headache that just wouldn't go away. I had to take 2 extra strength Advil, plus Tylenol #1's and then it still took about an hour for the it to be gone. The pain was so bad that I had to fight to stop myself from throwing up. The strange thing was, that in the afternoon after our naps, I woke up feeling better then I had in a long time. It's so strange that in 1 day I could feel SO lousy and then so good. It was a bonus though, as our neighbour Barbara had offered to take the 2 oldest girls in the afternoon, so I was able to start getting things ready for the weekend.

So as I'm typing here, everything/everyone (with the exception of Jeff) is packed and ready to go. So now it's off to church this morning, home for lunch and then away we go to Mississauga. Jeff's parents came last night to help and pick up Danica's stuff, so we'll all head out together this afternoon. My sister Bonnie and her hubby are going to meet us at Jeff's parents place to do the "trade off" with the oldest 2 kids, which is so nice of them as it saves us 2 extra hours of driving. Funny thing, Sidney woke up this morning saying "this is the best day of my life. I get to see 2 "Max's" today. First I can see my friend Max at Church, then I can see my cousin Max at Auntie Bonnie's". Funny kid!

So after we've dropped the kids off, Jeff and I are going to head to a hotel that's closer to the hospital so we can relax and spend a little time together. I have to be at Sunnybrook for 6:00AM so the less we have to drive tomorrow the better. My surgery is actually scheduled for 7:45. Jeff is going to get me all checked into the hospital and then go back to the hotel to check out. After that he'll head to Pete & April's to "check-in" there. They have graciously offered their home for a place for Jeff to sleep while I'm at the hospital. I think they are likely only 10 minutes away, which will be so convenient for him.

As for myself, I have been strangely calm in the last few days. I'm sure when I arrive at the hospital I'll feel a little different. But just knowing that God is in control of everything and "not 1 hair can fall from my head with out his will" is such comfort. The only thing I really am hoping is that I won't have facial paralysis. I do have a 15 - 25% of this occurring, which I had thought was not permanent, but Dr. Chen told me last week that this percentage is actually for life. Having said that, I keep thinking that their are women in Africa who have to watch their children starve, so if facial paralysis is the worst I have to deal with in life it's a pretty minor thing.

I am just so happy and relieved that the day is almost here. My friend April is going to be updating my blog until I can. She will be hearing all the news 1st hand from Jeff, so when she hears she will let you all know. Please continue to pray for me and my family that all will turn out well. Thank you all for your support and I'll post agian when I'm able.

Days like this make the surgery still seem a long way away.

It's 4:30 in the morning and I have to say that times like this makes me pretty anxious to have next Monday behind me. I woke up at 3:00 from a brutal headache. I got up and walked around for a little and thankfully it went away. So I tried to go back to bed and adjusted my pillows to see if that might have been the reason for the headache. Unfortunately within about 30 minutes of laying down my headache returned with full force. It's so strange how it comes up so fast. It starts with the whooshing sound in my ears and then by the time I first feel the headache starting it's a full force explosion in my head. This time it took a while longer for the headache to subside, but thankfully it's gone now. It's now 4:45 and I think I might just be done sleeping for the night. Just hope I get a good nap in at some point today.

A few things I forgot to mention from last Wednesday. When the tech as doing my balance test, I had mention to hear that I heard that walking is the best for recovery. She said it absolutely is and that once I get to the point where I can walk a decent amount she said to go to a big box store and walk around that. She said that not only the walking is good, but having my brain see more around me will all help it to adjust it's balance. She said that if it's too overwhelming at first, to put on sunglasses and especially ones that will block out my peripheral vision.

Another funny thing she had mentioned to me is that a grandfather had come into the clinic after his surgery with his granddaughter. She said the little girl was sitting on his lap and announced to the whole waiting room "The doctors put staples in my Grandpa's head. Mom won't let me play with the stapler." She said that all the girls in the office had to laugh, but then realized that it might make a young kid think he/she could put staples in a younger siblings head. Thankfully, I don't think our girls even know what a stapler even is.

So last week I had been speaking with a guy that works for our builder, who also has a tumour in his head. His is on the left side of his cheek, which is also very close to his facial nerve. He's going to have surgery at Toronto General and had mentioned that his doctor said that on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most difficult type of surgery, his procedure was a 2. So when I met with Dr. Chen I asked him what my surgery would be. He said that it was about a 5/6. Having said that, he said even heart surgery, which is a major procedure, is now considered pretty routine and not that difficult. So he said that even though this is a big surgery, he said that "we are very good at what we do" and do this surgery about 1x/week. He said he's done well over 500 AN surgeries. What I can't imagine is what type of surgery would constitute a 10.

Interestingly since I came home from my appointment and seeing in black and white the degree of balance issues I've been having, a few things seem to now make sense. First, back in December when Jeff & I had gone shopping, I had been feeling good that whole day, until we got to the mall. It was within about 15 minutes of being in the mall that my head started swimming. Now knowing that walking in a box store will help my brain compensate, it makes sense that I was experiencing the same thing at the mall. The other thing that didn't make sense to me was how sometimes I would have a great night sleep and still feel "off" the whole day. Other times I would have a terrible night sleep and feel not too bad that day. I think it's because when I move around a lot I get dizzy and nauseous, but if I stay sedentary I feel not too bad. So the days that I get decent sleep I try do more around the house resulting in me not feeling well. It was most noticeable a week ago Monday when I had woken up feeling fairly good and had done some laundry and watered my plants. After just an hour of this I had to sit down as I was so dizzy and feeling just gross. It's kind of nice to know that even though it makes me feel badly, it's actually good for my brain.

Pre-Op

I have to start this entry by telling you of the amazing friends I have. So not only did Diane drive the 6 hours (both ways)to come and look after our rug-rats, but she also brought along meals for our freezer AND when I got home there was another home cooked meal on the stove. Such an incredible friend, I can't even imagine how to begin to repay her. Then 1/2 way through the day today I was joined by another dear friend April, who took the afternoon off from work to join me at the hospital. I truly feel so blessed to have such caring people in my life.

I had a good start to the day today as I slept really well last night woke up feeling quite good. Jeff and I left the house together at 5:00am as I had to first drive him to the base (our other car is in the shop) as he left today on a trip. I was so hoping this trip would be cancelled as there was a chance of that and it was already delayed since Sunday. No such luck though and he did end up leaving, so we'll see him next week sometime.

The drive into TO went well and traffic was light so I actually go to the hospital 45minutes early. It was very strange thing walking into the hospital knowing that in less then 2 weeks I'd be here for a pretty major surgery. I actually had to catch my breath a little when I first walked in. Thankfully once I actually got going on the appointments and talking to everyone, that panicky feeling went away pretty quickly.

The 1st appointment was at 8:00, which was my balance test. It was a pretty interesting test that started by me being strapped into a chair that looked an awful lot like an electric chair. I had a lap belt and also a halo type thing that went around my head. The technician also hooked up all types of wire to my face and forehead. I then had to look at a screen and with my eyes follow a little red dot as it moved up and down and back and forth. She then closed some quite hideous curtains around the chair, turned off the lights and remotely moved the chair around. While she did this I had to hold a little light in front of my face and stare at it. I have to say that following the red dot didn't make me dizzy, but this one sure did. The thing it made me remember was that last spring I had gone to a play group in here in town and a 7 month pregnant woman was spinning some kids on a merry-go-round. I had tried to take over from her and after about 2 rotations I had to stop because I was so dizzy. Strange!

So after I finished that test, I then had to lay on a table, but propped up at a 45% angle (still strapped to all the wires). With this I had to look at some dots on the ceiling and first look quickly back an forth and then up and down. Next I had to hold my thumb straight in front of me, stare at it and then close my eyes keeping them in the same place they were when I was looking at my thumb. I then had to move my thumb to the right and do the same thing. Then to the left. I challenge you all reading this to try it. It's actually really hard to keep your eyes held to the left or right when your eye lids are actually closed. I had to keep this position for a full minute and was amazed by how uncomfortable it was. The next thing was that I had to lay flat with my head actually sticking out over the head of the bed. The tech held my head and I had to keep my eyes closed for a minute and then look at the ceiling. She then turned my head to the right and left and again I had to close my eyes for a minute. Strange thing was that when my head was held to the right I noticed I felt the dizziest.

The last test she did I thought was the neatest. She started on my left ear and explained that this would really show the biggest difference (if there was one) in the balance between my 2 ears. She had a type hose that was hooked up to a tap and I had to close my eyes while she squirted very warm water into my ear. She said that after a minute or so I should feel some degree of dizziness. She said that the more dizzy I felt the more the nerve was working. She also told me that the more the nerve is working pre-surgery, the more dizzy I'd be after the surgery. As would be true with the reverse, being that the less it's working now the more my brain would have started to compensate and the less dizzy I'd be post surgery. So while she was doing this test I was praying that I would feel very little or no dizziness. Unfortunately I felt fairly dizzy. That was until she did my right size. I was beyond dizzy after less then a minute of having the water in my ear, which felt a whole lot hotter then the left side (due to my numbness on that side). I'd say the whole room was spinning, except for the fact that my eyes were closed. It was insane. I could feel my eyes spinning like crazy behind my eyelids and every fibre of my being wanted to open my eyes so I could fixate on something to stop the motion. She told me that was the very reason I had to have my eyes closed was for them to see what my balance in my ear was doing and not my eyes. She also said that the water has to be quite warm as it's not the water itself that effects the balance, but it's the warmth that transfers into the inner ear.

So at the end of it all she showed me a print out that showed the difference in both ears when it comes to balance. It was a type of a graph and there were many bold "x's" in many spots for my right ear. On the graph that showed my left ear, there was much smaller "x's" and a lot less of them. She said that what it showed was I had 60% less balance function in my left ear then in my right. So my brain has already compensated for 60% of my balance on my tumour side, so I should experience a lot less balance issues after surgery then someone who had no balance issues going in. She did say that I'd likely still experience some dizziness, but it will be less then what it could be. I have to say that made me feel a whole lot better.

After my the balance test I had to wait for about 1/2 hour to see Dr. Chen. He just went quickly through the steps they are going to take for the surgery. He also showed me on a model where they were going to go into my skull and how they are going to put the outside part of it back in to give my skull a normal shape. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but they are going to take fat from my abdomen to fill the hole left by the tumour as well from the missing skull. They do this so that the brain can slowly fill the space and it won't fill with spinal fluid causing more complications. I have to say that this is the only time I wished that my tumour was bigger as they then then would have to take more fat from my tummy (kidding of coarse). Maybe they can do a tummy tuck while they are at it :-)

So the rest of the afternoon appointments were pretty standard stuff. The frustrating thing was that for what they had to do it could have been done in less then 1/2 hour, but it took over 3 hours. I was SO thankful that April showed up and kept me company, otherwise I would have been going out of my mind. Really all they did was go through some hospital info as well as do's and don't for surgery day. Then they took my blood pressure. After that the Anesthesiologist came in to see me for about 5 minutes just to make sure I was healthy and had no problems with anesthesia. Then lastly I had a blood test. So the rest of the time was just sitting there waiting. April was funny though, she had run upstairs for some coffee and the doctor was standing outside the door of the room when she came back. She told him that she'd give him a coffe if he'd come in our room next. He was actually on his way into the room anyway and had just been going through my chart. We both had to laugh afterwards as our take on him was that he was trying very hard to have a personality, but just didn't seem to be able to pull it off. Actually he looked like he had just come out of surgery to help the Dr that was seeing pre-op patients because they were so behind. We figured that he likely had a really long day and that is likely why he wasn't the best of moods. It's not that he was rude, just not super friendly. Having said that, he did say on the way out that we really didn't need to bribe him with coffee.

So now we just have to get the surgery behind us. I do want to thank everyone for your prayers as I know I have so many people praying for our whole family and we want to let you know how very appreciated it is.

Two weeks today.

So I only have 2 weeks left until my surgery and I'm a mix of nervous and excited. I think the excitement started to build in the last 2 weeks as they were not great weeks for me. I had quite a few days that I was feeling pretty lousy. It seems that after I try get a few things done around the house I end up feeling really tired, nauseous and dizzy. I know this is going to sound strange, but I kind of feel those days are a bit of a "gift" as it's after days like that that I can not wait to get my surgery over and done with. Then this morning was totally different. I woke up feeling pretty good and have managed to get everything done that I wanted to. I don't have a tone of energy afterwards, but at least I'm not feeling terrible. As I was in the middle of my morning I was thinking that this is what I'm going to feel like when I'm completely recovered. So it's kind of nice to have the comparison to how lousy I can feel and how good I'm going to feel.

I also have to mention my dear friend Diane. I have known Di ever since we were in grade school. We didn't actually go to school together until High School, as she was a "city slicker" and I was the "country bumpkin". We haven't seen each other very much in the last few years since I moved out to the "sticks" (once again the "country bumpkin). When Di heard I was having my appointment in TO, she offered to drive up and take care of our kids. She has offered before, but I feel so bad making her come so out of her way. However, for this week it sure is very nice to take her up on her offer, especially since I need to be out of the house so early in the morning. I can now get only me out on Wednesday morning and my kids can sleep as long as they want. I just hope Di realizes what she is getting into with 3 kiddies. I told her that besides being so happy to be able to leave the kids in their beds, I'm also very excited to see her again. It's been about 1 1/2 years, which is too long.

Preop appointment

So I got an e-mail today with my preop appointment. It's really lousy times as I need to be there at 8:00 am for my first appointment (which means I need to leave the house at 5:00). The appointment will only last 1 hour and then my next appointment isn't until 2:00 pm. The secretary said I could go shopping, although I told her that I'm not so sure my husband would appreciate that suggestion :-). Now all I need to do is figure out what to do with the kiddies as Jeff is over in the "sandbox" that week. My dear friend Diane Verloop (nee Vanderploeg) did offer to drive up from Dundas, but that's a long way to go and a pretty early morning for her.

As for my health, things really haven't change, which is good as it means things haven't gotten any worse. I did have a period were I thought that sleeping at a 45degrees wasn't working as I was getting headaches again at night. But I figured out that my head just wasn't at the correct angle. I put an extra pillow under my head, and problem solved.