It's been a while since I last posted, but it's not been for a lack of things going on. A few days after my last post I ended up getting Keira's flu. Not so fun and it seemed to make my dizziness worse. Then the beginning of this week I had another gall stone attack. I had gotten my first attack a year ago this past Christmas when I was still pregnant with Danica. At the time we had no idea what it was until about 3 months later when the pain got so bad I ended up in the Emerg. It truly is worse pain then labour. I have gone through 17 hours of unmedicated induced labour and would rather go through that again then an hour of a gall stone attack. It's totally excruciating. Last spring we had decided to try get rid of the stones naturally instead of surgery as there are side effects from the surgery. I had decided that I'd give it a year and if it didn't work, then I'd go for surgery. I totally thought it had worked as I went almost a whole year without an attack. Then 3 weeks before my brain surgery I got another attack. So I went back to really watching what I eat (I can't have any fat, sugar or dairy). I figured I'd get my head taken care of and then worry about my gall bladder. Happy me even got an attack the night before my surgery...fun!
Since my surgery I had a couple more attacks that usually last about 20 minutes. Last Monday my attack started at 1:30 and by 5:00 I told Jeff I couldn't handle the pain anymore so off we headed again to the Emerg. Huge "thank you" to Heather for taking our little Keira. At the hospital it didn't take them long until they got morphine into me. Boy, never thought I'd be having that drug so often in 1 month, but pretty happy it's available. They did some blood work on me as well, which they said would tell them pretty quickly what was going on. When the results got back the Doctor said my numbers were "petty impressive". I can't remember what it was that they were measuring, but he said normal numbers where around 300. My numbers where 28,000. He said what had happened is that a stone has gotten out of my gall bladder and was blocking the tube that goes to my liver and pancreas. He said that when this happens the pancreas starts to digest itself. As a result both my liver and pancreas was inflamed. After they got the blood work back they decided to admit me to hospital...again. It was kind of funny to see the admitting nurse's face when she asked me the last time I was in hospital last. Four weeks between hospital stays isn't a long time, drama queen that I am. Thankfully 1/2 way through the night my pain went away and by morning my blood work was looking better so I could go home the next day at noon. So the next step is that I have to wait 3 weeks to let my liver and pancreas settle down and then it's off for more surgery to have my gall bladder out. They had wanted me to eat a liquid diet until then, but I totally can't as keeping an empty tummy makes my regular dizziness and nausea way worse. So I need to find a way to eating foods easy on my tummy.
Then to top off this week I broke my tooth. Keira was eating a lollipop when she should have been going to bed. So to speed things up I tried to bite it in pieces so she could eat it faster. When I bit it a big chunk of my tooth came off with it. So Friday I was off to the dentist to get my tooth fixed. I have to say, when I look at the bill I think I should have become a dentist. There was a $65 charge just for the dentist to look in my mouth and "diagnose" my problem. I figure it only took 2 minutes max, and I had already told them what the problem was, so not sure how much "diagnosing" was needed.
So here's hoping that is the end of my drama. I do figure that I am making progress as my last "issue" didn't require surgery. So that is definitely a step in the right direction. As for my head progress. I have found that my dizziness has been a lot worse lately. Yesterday I felt on the "edge" of throwing-up all afternoon, and that was even after taking Gravol. I'm thinking it might be result of my head cold. I was a quite disappointed yesterday as we had planned to pick Sidney up today. Unfortunately I was so dizzy and nauseous yesterday that I just didn't feel up to the trip to Toronto. We're going to give me another week and maybe try next week again. I'm just so anxious to have Sidney and Danica home and beside I have a little Keira here that sure misses her sisters. I have a feeling that the reason I have been feeling so bad lately is because I got too tired after the crazy week we had. Hopefully a couple days of resting and I'll start feeling better again.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Progress continues
I'm very happy to report that my recovery is slowly moving forward in the right direction. I have our little Keira home with us now, which is so nice. Jeff & I picked her up from Bonnie's on Saturday afternoon as she was complaining of a sore leg. She's complained about this off and on for the last year, but had gotten to the point it was causing her great pain. Bonnie was going to take her to her family doctor down in Grimbsy, but it really made most sense for her to see her own family doctor. We took her Monday morning and now we have an ultra sound for her tomorrow. It's been so nice to have her home, although she sure misses her sisters a lot. She has also been sick and when she feels really badly she keeps saying "I want my Sidney, I want my Sidney". So cute how close those 2 little girls are.
I am doing really well with her home. The first day I was a little nervous if I could handle it, but we are falling back into a nice routine. It also is pushing me to do a little more. I am being careful not to get too tired. I'm just so nervous about any set-backs and am doing anything to avoid that.
As for myself, I am definitely seeing progress every day. I'm able to walk farther and farther, and don't look so "drunk" while I'm at it. Someone asked me the other day, how exactly I feel and the best way I can describe it is that I do feel drunk. The world still spins quite a bit for me, and the more tired I get the more it spins. With the spinning also comes nausea. I have figured out that before I do anything I just need to take Gravol, which helps a lot. Dr. Chen had told me to take my meds before I went out, but once again I needed to learn the hard way. As I mentioned, my walking is getting better and better and I can now walk with out thinking so hard about it. I still do bump into walls and furniture, especially when tired, but it does keep getting better. Fatigue is still a big issue and I really can't accomplish very much without getting very tired, but again that also is getting slowly better. I did start driving here in town a little, which is so nice to start getting some independence back. I told a friend today that Brighton really is the best place to get back into driving. For those of you not familiar with Brighton, it's a big retirement destination, so there are a lot of elderly drivers on the road. Needless to say, with my driving skills where they are right now, I fit in nicely. As for pain, I really have very little. The left side of my head is still tender and I can not lay on it yet, but that really is to be expected since it's only 3 weeks post-op. My ear still sticks out more then it used to, but as the swelling goes down it looks a lot better then it did in the hospital. Thankfully I have long hair which hides it.
My left eye is also getting better. I find I use the drops during the day a lot less then before. Nighttime is stillthe issue. I do have drops for nighttime, but they bother my eye. I use my daytime drops, but wake up a few times during the night with a dry eye and the feeling that I have corn-flakes under my eye lid. It also takes a few minutes in the morning of lubricating my eye, before I am ready to get going. I'd love some feedback from others (who have dry eye) on tips how to manage an eye that has no tears. With my eye issues, I'm not able to wear any make-up yet, which kind of sucks. I have very fair eye lashes and without any eye makeup I tend to look tired. So for those who see me, I really am not tired, I'm just not wearing make-up.
I have to say, I am SO thankful that I am pretty much headache free. I do get the odd headache when I keep my muscles in my head tight. When this happens I just need to concentrate on relaxing, and in time it goes away. I am really so grateful that Dr. Chen didn't even consider the surgery that would have gone in from the back of my head (Cecile I can't remember what it's called). There would have been a 35% chance of keeping my hearing, but the recovery is supposed to be brutal in terms of headaches. He also had said that they would have had to push my brain over 2-3 cm, and knowing how much pressure my brain was under already I don't think it could afford to have been pushed over any amount.
All in all I am at a much happier stage of my healing. Even though there is still so much I can not do, I am at least a little bit independent. In retrospect, I think that was the hardest part of my early recovery, was that I was so dependant on others. I think I'm going to be a pretty ornery old lady when I'm elderly, as I hate not being able to do things for myself.
Thanks again to everyone for your support of me and my family. I again got beautiful flowers from my brother and his family as well as my dear old (only in terms of years I've known them) friends Shireen and Tony (and families) from Winnipeg. I love you all so much. Thanks as well to my friend Amber for the muffins and stew. She gave us a ton of muffins and they were such a hit they are all gone already. Thanks Amber and I hope that Shane gets home soon from his deployment! You are all so awesome! Thanks as well for all who have sent cards, it really puts a smile on my face when I read through all the cards sent. Knowing that we have so many people thinking and praying for us is just so comforting.
I am doing really well with her home. The first day I was a little nervous if I could handle it, but we are falling back into a nice routine. It also is pushing me to do a little more. I am being careful not to get too tired. I'm just so nervous about any set-backs and am doing anything to avoid that.
As for myself, I am definitely seeing progress every day. I'm able to walk farther and farther, and don't look so "drunk" while I'm at it. Someone asked me the other day, how exactly I feel and the best way I can describe it is that I do feel drunk. The world still spins quite a bit for me, and the more tired I get the more it spins. With the spinning also comes nausea. I have figured out that before I do anything I just need to take Gravol, which helps a lot. Dr. Chen had told me to take my meds before I went out, but once again I needed to learn the hard way. As I mentioned, my walking is getting better and better and I can now walk with out thinking so hard about it. I still do bump into walls and furniture, especially when tired, but it does keep getting better. Fatigue is still a big issue and I really can't accomplish very much without getting very tired, but again that also is getting slowly better. I did start driving here in town a little, which is so nice to start getting some independence back. I told a friend today that Brighton really is the best place to get back into driving. For those of you not familiar with Brighton, it's a big retirement destination, so there are a lot of elderly drivers on the road. Needless to say, with my driving skills where they are right now, I fit in nicely. As for pain, I really have very little. The left side of my head is still tender and I can not lay on it yet, but that really is to be expected since it's only 3 weeks post-op. My ear still sticks out more then it used to, but as the swelling goes down it looks a lot better then it did in the hospital. Thankfully I have long hair which hides it.
My left eye is also getting better. I find I use the drops during the day a lot less then before. Nighttime is stillthe issue. I do have drops for nighttime, but they bother my eye. I use my daytime drops, but wake up a few times during the night with a dry eye and the feeling that I have corn-flakes under my eye lid. It also takes a few minutes in the morning of lubricating my eye, before I am ready to get going. I'd love some feedback from others (who have dry eye) on tips how to manage an eye that has no tears. With my eye issues, I'm not able to wear any make-up yet, which kind of sucks. I have very fair eye lashes and without any eye makeup I tend to look tired. So for those who see me, I really am not tired, I'm just not wearing make-up.
I have to say, I am SO thankful that I am pretty much headache free. I do get the odd headache when I keep my muscles in my head tight. When this happens I just need to concentrate on relaxing, and in time it goes away. I am really so grateful that Dr. Chen didn't even consider the surgery that would have gone in from the back of my head (Cecile I can't remember what it's called). There would have been a 35% chance of keeping my hearing, but the recovery is supposed to be brutal in terms of headaches. He also had said that they would have had to push my brain over 2-3 cm, and knowing how much pressure my brain was under already I don't think it could afford to have been pushed over any amount.
All in all I am at a much happier stage of my healing. Even though there is still so much I can not do, I am at least a little bit independent. In retrospect, I think that was the hardest part of my early recovery, was that I was so dependant on others. I think I'm going to be a pretty ornery old lady when I'm elderly, as I hate not being able to do things for myself.
Thanks again to everyone for your support of me and my family. I again got beautiful flowers from my brother and his family as well as my dear old (only in terms of years I've known them) friends Shireen and Tony (and families) from Winnipeg. I love you all so much. Thanks as well to my friend Amber for the muffins and stew. She gave us a ton of muffins and they were such a hit they are all gone already. Thanks Amber and I hope that Shane gets home soon from his deployment! You are all so awesome! Thanks as well for all who have sent cards, it really puts a smile on my face when I read through all the cards sent. Knowing that we have so many people thinking and praying for us is just so comforting.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Home again
So I had 2 wonderful days with my kids. I think I mentioned before that Jeff had to go out of town for a couple days so I went to stay with my sister. The plan originally was that Jeff was going to drop me off at his parents and then head to the airport. Unfortunately traffic into Toronto was terrible on Tuesday morning and as we got closer to the airport it became clear that Jeff wasn't going to have enough time to drop me off and then get back to the airport on time for his flight. To back track a little, when we left the house on Tuesday morning I had to take some Gravol as I was feeling so nauseous again, thankfully around Scarborough I started to feel better and by the time we got to the airport I was feeling quite good. So I offered to Jeff to drive myself. He was not too keen on the idea, but I really was feeling like I could do this, besides Jeff's parents only live about 20 minutes away. If I was not in this situation I likely won't have driven yet, but given the fact Jeff was running out of time I really figured I could do it. I had to laugh as I got into the driver seat since 12 years ago I was in the same position. I had just moved to Ontario and had dropped my boss (at the time) at the airport and had to drive on the 401 for the 1st time. I remember being pretty nervous, the worst traffic I had been in before that was in Winnipeg, which really doesn't compare. The good thing was that even though I was only 2 weeks post surgery, I was a lot less nervous this time then I was 12 years ago. I just really took it easy, stayed in the left lane and made sure that when I turned it was into a lane that I wouldn't need to move out of. I really did OK, although having said that, I think I will wait a little while longer before I drive again it did take a lot of concentration and I was quite tired by the time I got to Jeff' parent's place.
When I got to my in-laws, little Danica had been walking holding onto her Grandpa. When she saw me, she dropped to her knees, looked at me for a few seconds and then crawled right over and gave me a huge hug. It was a pleasant surprise that she remembered me. Being only 1 year old and having been away from me for 2 weeks, I wasn't sure how long her memory would be. It was just so nice to spend time with that little baby. I really couldn't get enough of her. It was so nice to see how happy she is with her Grandparents and how much fun all 3 of them are having.
Around 3:00 my sister Bonnie came to pick me up with our oldest 2 girls. They were also so thrilled to see their baby sister. At one point Keira was sitting on my lap and Danica was in her high chair, Danica started to pull on Keira's shirt. When I moved Keira closer to the high chair Danica wrapped her little arms around Keira and started to pat her back. It was so cute to see.
It was so nice to not only see my kids, but also to visit with my sister and her wonderful children . I have to say, I felt a little helpless seeing how much busier my kids make Bonnie, and yet unable to help her. I need to send a huge thank you to my sister and her kids, but also to my other 2 sisters who have been helping her in ways of sending things to make meal time easier. Also a thanks to Bonnie's friends who have been sending her meals to help lighten the load. It is just so super nice to know that others are helping her too, when I know how busy she is and I feel so useless.
Seeing my kids was truly therapy for the soul. It also made me realize that even though I have a long way to go yet in recovery, I am really making good progress. When I got home from the hospital, just the sound of the TV was enough to make me feel sick. In the last few days, the TV was going, I was talking to my sister and other kids were playing in the background. It was definitely on the edge of what I could handle, but I was pretty thrilled that I could handle it. I guess it's 1 more step closer to getting my life back.
In other health updates, my scar on my head is healing really nicely. It' s pretty scabbed over, but as it heals they are starting to come off as well. I still feel like I need a tone of sleep. I nap about 2x's/day for a least a few hours. I haven't been walking as much as I should in the last week, so I really need to get back to that as it's supposed to be the fastest way to recover. The great news is that laying down flat is still going well. I did have a couple days were I got some "whooshing" sounds in my ears again (yes even the deaf one...strange). The sound was much more mild then it was before my surgery and didn't result in a headache. I have had a couple headaches since I was home from the hospital, but I found that it was either associated with me being tired or keeping the muscles in my head tight. I also would classify these headaches as a "normal" headache and not the explosive ones that I had preop, were the pressure was so strong I thought my head was going to explode. So this is all progress. I told my sister Janet last night that instead of looking at all the things I can't do, I need to focus on what I can do since I got home. Even though the progress is slow, there definitely is progress, which is a lot to be thankful for. I've also really got to get it in my head that it'll likely be summer before I start feeling back to normal. So once again, think of my recovery in terms of months instead of weeks. Slow and steady wins the race. It's so hard to remember that, especially when I'm so anxious to have my kids back home. But we will get there.
I have a few more "thank-yous" to send out. First is to my boss Hugo who sent my surgeons chocolate. I got an e-mail from Dr. Chen's Secretary saying that the docs got their shipment and they both got a huge kick out of it. They thought it was pretty nice. Dr. Chen said he was going to have a very happy wife :-). Thanks Hugo, that was super nice of you to do! Next I also got an M&M meat gift card from Janice Jarrett, which is so going to come in so handy. Thank you Janice! I also have 2 shipments of flowers coming this morning (not sure who from) so to whom ever sent them...a thank you in advance. On top of all the flowers and food there are too many card to thank everyone, but I do want you all to know how very appreciated it all is. Jeff & I sure feel very supported. Thank you just so much!
When I got to my in-laws, little Danica had been walking holding onto her Grandpa. When she saw me, she dropped to her knees, looked at me for a few seconds and then crawled right over and gave me a huge hug. It was a pleasant surprise that she remembered me. Being only 1 year old and having been away from me for 2 weeks, I wasn't sure how long her memory would be. It was just so nice to spend time with that little baby. I really couldn't get enough of her. It was so nice to see how happy she is with her Grandparents and how much fun all 3 of them are having.
Around 3:00 my sister Bonnie came to pick me up with our oldest 2 girls. They were also so thrilled to see their baby sister. At one point Keira was sitting on my lap and Danica was in her high chair, Danica started to pull on Keira's shirt. When I moved Keira closer to the high chair Danica wrapped her little arms around Keira and started to pat her back. It was so cute to see.
It was so nice to not only see my kids, but also to visit with my sister and her wonderful children . I have to say, I felt a little helpless seeing how much busier my kids make Bonnie, and yet unable to help her. I need to send a huge thank you to my sister and her kids, but also to my other 2 sisters who have been helping her in ways of sending things to make meal time easier. Also a thanks to Bonnie's friends who have been sending her meals to help lighten the load. It is just so super nice to know that others are helping her too, when I know how busy she is and I feel so useless.
Seeing my kids was truly therapy for the soul. It also made me realize that even though I have a long way to go yet in recovery, I am really making good progress. When I got home from the hospital, just the sound of the TV was enough to make me feel sick. In the last few days, the TV was going, I was talking to my sister and other kids were playing in the background. It was definitely on the edge of what I could handle, but I was pretty thrilled that I could handle it. I guess it's 1 more step closer to getting my life back.
In other health updates, my scar on my head is healing really nicely. It' s pretty scabbed over, but as it heals they are starting to come off as well. I still feel like I need a tone of sleep. I nap about 2x's/day for a least a few hours. I haven't been walking as much as I should in the last week, so I really need to get back to that as it's supposed to be the fastest way to recover. The great news is that laying down flat is still going well. I did have a couple days were I got some "whooshing" sounds in my ears again (yes even the deaf one...strange). The sound was much more mild then it was before my surgery and didn't result in a headache. I have had a couple headaches since I was home from the hospital, but I found that it was either associated with me being tired or keeping the muscles in my head tight. I also would classify these headaches as a "normal" headache and not the explosive ones that I had preop, were the pressure was so strong I thought my head was going to explode. So this is all progress. I told my sister Janet last night that instead of looking at all the things I can't do, I need to focus on what I can do since I got home. Even though the progress is slow, there definitely is progress, which is a lot to be thankful for. I've also really got to get it in my head that it'll likely be summer before I start feeling back to normal. So once again, think of my recovery in terms of months instead of weeks. Slow and steady wins the race. It's so hard to remember that, especially when I'm so anxious to have my kids back home. But we will get there.
I have a few more "thank-yous" to send out. First is to my boss Hugo who sent my surgeons chocolate. I got an e-mail from Dr. Chen's Secretary saying that the docs got their shipment and they both got a huge kick out of it. They thought it was pretty nice. Dr. Chen said he was going to have a very happy wife :-). Thanks Hugo, that was super nice of you to do! Next I also got an M&M meat gift card from Janice Jarrett, which is so going to come in so handy. Thank you Janice! I also have 2 shipments of flowers coming this morning (not sure who from) so to whom ever sent them...a thank you in advance. On top of all the flowers and food there are too many card to thank everyone, but I do want you all to know how very appreciated it all is. Jeff & I sure feel very supported. Thank you just so much!
Monday, April 5, 2010
I am staple-free
Early this morning Jeff and I headed back to Sunnybrook for my 2 week follow-up with Dr. Chen and to get my staples out. When we did finally meet with him he went through the standard tests to see how my face is working. I still do have a little weakness on my lower left lip, which Dr. Chen said is also connected to the nerve that is giving me dry eye as well as is making the left side of my tongue numb. He said it will just take time for this to correct itself, which hopefully it does. The Doctor was happy that I almost don't need any pain meds and said over all my healing is going well. He also asked me about my plans to return to work, which I told him I don't have one yet. He said that even given how well my surgery and recovery is going he said to still not count on being ready for work until 3 months at the earliest. He also stressed that I need to take it easy and keep an "eye" open for any signs of spinal/brain fluid leak. I also have to be real careful with the left side of my head and should still not even sleep on that side of my head. Lastly Dr. Chen said I need to monitor my temperature to make sure I'm not getting an infection. Jeff did mention to the doctor that I get tired very easily, which turns out is also very normal and will likely last for a while longer.
So good news, bad news. Good news is that my recovery is going well, bad news is that I'm going to have to have a tone more patience for months instead weeks that I had hoped for. I have to say that I'm pretty happy that things are going so well. Also, knowing the serious complications I can have, I'm hoping that it might be easier to find the patience I need to take it easy.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how little it hurt to get the staples out. When I had a c-section it hurt like crazy when they took the staples out, but this time it was painless. Yippee!
So I'm off tomorrow to see our little girls and I am SO excited
So good news, bad news. Good news is that my recovery is going well, bad news is that I'm going to have to have a tone more patience for months instead weeks that I had hoped for. I have to say that I'm pretty happy that things are going so well. Also, knowing the serious complications I can have, I'm hoping that it might be easier to find the patience I need to take it easy.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how little it hurt to get the staples out. When I had a c-section it hurt like crazy when they took the staples out, but this time it was painless. Yippee!
So I'm off tomorrow to see our little girls and I am SO excited
Friday, April 2, 2010
I'm going to see my girls.
I am so excited as I now have plans to see my 3 little girls. Jeff has to go out of town for a couple days next week, so when he leaves on Tuesday morning he's going to drop me off at his parent's place so I can see our little Danica. I can't even imagine how much she's change in the 2 weeks it'll have been since I saw her last. Her Nana told me that she's starting to stand on her own, so I think walking will not be far behind. Then Tuesday afternoon my sister Bonnie is going to get me and then take me home to her house for 2 days so I can visit with Sidney and Keira. I am totally beside myself with anticipation of seeing my babies again.
I also need to thank so many people who have sent flowers and cards, baking and meals. It really so very overwhelming the care and support people have shown us. A HUGE thank you to everyone!
Health wise things are pretty much the same. I did go to the eye doctor yesterday as my eye has been really bothering me again. Turns out the drops I went home from the hospital with are actually steroid and even though in the short-term they were making my eye feel better in the long-term it was causing more trouble. I now just use a preservative free tear drop and by this morning my eye is feeling better. It's still irritated, but livable. I did find out yesterday, while reading an emotional book, that I do only cry out of my right eye, which I think also stands to reason then that I likely have zero tears in my left eye at all. Dr. Chen had said that my nerve responsible for tears and saliva was pretty banged up, so I hope it will come back eventually. Nerves are strange things, it can take months but sometimes they can fix themselves. If my nerve doesn't I'll just have to keep using eye drops, and not eat really dry food. Guess when I go out for dinner I'll just have to drink more wine to wash things down.
So a kind of a funny thing happened yesterday, or at least I can laugh about it now. While Jeff & I were out for a walk, 1 of our neighbours stopped us to give us a meal. She also said that we should be aware that by the way I walk I do kind of look like I'm drunk and that people might think I am. I know she was trying to be helpful, but it made me so sad to think I look like a drunk. I did get thinking about it later and realized that with my dizziness I do actually feel drunk so I guess I don't look a lot different then what I feel. At the time it kind of hurt, but now I'm just more determined to get my brain to adjust as fast as it can!
Human nature is such a strange thing. I keep thinking that God has answered our prayers and given us the best possible outcome from my surgery and instead of being grateful I keep having to work on my patience and frustration with recovery. There are always little things that do happen in a day to remind me how many things I have to be thankful for. This morning our cleaning lady came over and we got to talking about Halifax. She used to work at a big hotel down by the Halifax harbour and when I was in Food Service I would stay there and it was also a customer of mine. I had asked Pam if she knew of the Broker that used to work for us down there. After I started to think more about them and had forgotten that the owner had gotten a cancerous brain tumour in his late 30's and didn't survive it and left behind a wife and some young kids. I really had to take a step back and think "wow, that could have been my story too", but by the Grace of God my tumour was benign AND my surgery was a success in every way. I think it's really good to remember these things and then the minor annoyances of recovery seem pretty trivial. I'm just so blessed that I have the opportunity to recover and though I miss my girl like crazy, they are not going to have a life time of missing me.
I also need to thank so many people who have sent flowers and cards, baking and meals. It really so very overwhelming the care and support people have shown us. A HUGE thank you to everyone!
Health wise things are pretty much the same. I did go to the eye doctor yesterday as my eye has been really bothering me again. Turns out the drops I went home from the hospital with are actually steroid and even though in the short-term they were making my eye feel better in the long-term it was causing more trouble. I now just use a preservative free tear drop and by this morning my eye is feeling better. It's still irritated, but livable. I did find out yesterday, while reading an emotional book, that I do only cry out of my right eye, which I think also stands to reason then that I likely have zero tears in my left eye at all. Dr. Chen had said that my nerve responsible for tears and saliva was pretty banged up, so I hope it will come back eventually. Nerves are strange things, it can take months but sometimes they can fix themselves. If my nerve doesn't I'll just have to keep using eye drops, and not eat really dry food. Guess when I go out for dinner I'll just have to drink more wine to wash things down.
So a kind of a funny thing happened yesterday, or at least I can laugh about it now. While Jeff & I were out for a walk, 1 of our neighbours stopped us to give us a meal. She also said that we should be aware that by the way I walk I do kind of look like I'm drunk and that people might think I am. I know she was trying to be helpful, but it made me so sad to think I look like a drunk. I did get thinking about it later and realized that with my dizziness I do actually feel drunk so I guess I don't look a lot different then what I feel. At the time it kind of hurt, but now I'm just more determined to get my brain to adjust as fast as it can!
Human nature is such a strange thing. I keep thinking that God has answered our prayers and given us the best possible outcome from my surgery and instead of being grateful I keep having to work on my patience and frustration with recovery. There are always little things that do happen in a day to remind me how many things I have to be thankful for. This morning our cleaning lady came over and we got to talking about Halifax. She used to work at a big hotel down by the Halifax harbour and when I was in Food Service I would stay there and it was also a customer of mine. I had asked Pam if she knew of the Broker that used to work for us down there. After I started to think more about them and had forgotten that the owner had gotten a cancerous brain tumour in his late 30's and didn't survive it and left behind a wife and some young kids. I really had to take a step back and think "wow, that could have been my story too", but by the Grace of God my tumour was benign AND my surgery was a success in every way. I think it's really good to remember these things and then the minor annoyances of recovery seem pretty trivial. I'm just so blessed that I have the opportunity to recover and though I miss my girl like crazy, they are not going to have a life time of missing me.
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